But don't take it personally.

It wasn't your fault, having been born outside of these United States.  That was an unfortunate decision that your grandparents made, and that your parents compounded without consulting you.  We consider you to be innocent of their sin.  But if they didn't have the stones to get over here and make things right, then that's no excuse for you to extend the vicious cycle, to perpetuate and endorse their weakness.

Do it now, foreigner.

We don't care how:  Stow away on a Liberian cargo ship.  Dog-paddle across the Rio Grande.  Find an American Sailor or Airman, and tell him you want to marry him and cook for him and give him backrubs for the rest of his life. Find a Marine and tell him his cock tastes like a candy cane.  Mule your way onto an Air Pakistan flight heroin-filled condoms in your stomach.  Because this is the best country in the world. It represents the expeditionary wing of Western Liberalism. Our institutions represent the last best hope for mankind and if you keep doing whatever the fuck it is that you're doing, you and your progeny will be left behind.  You will be on the outside, looking in. Let today be the first day of the rest of your life, with you as the best possible version of you:  A newer, better, enhanced you.  An American you.  

Naturalize, muthafuckah!

-- If deep down inside of you there is a tiny little American struggling to get out, click here.

-- If you think that France is a better country than the US, click here.

----------