YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE
By Uber Pig, Section Diaries
Hey there. I know your type: Civilian. You think the Army is enlisted only by inner city negroes, by Oklahoma white trash, and maybe by that one kid from your high school who couldn't pass algebra. You think that recruiters only pick on the poor kids, and on the pimply kids with low self-esteem. You think that only losers enlist.
Sure you do, fucker. -- If you're a female, a gay dude, or a gimp, turn to TEITL NEIN. -- If you're in college, turn to VAGINALOGUE. -- If you're a college graduate under 30, turn to WINNER. -- If you're a Howard Zinn fan, turn to YOU'RE A SNOWFLAKE. -- If you're a hippie who burned his draft card, turn to SPITTER. -- If you're a hippie who got a deferment, turn to ORDINARY AVERAGE GUY. -- If you're not a US citizen, turn to NATURALIZE. ----------
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All stories and comments here at Enlisted Swine are owned and copyrighted by their authors. If you find something they wrote offensive, that's probably because you're a useless fucking hippie. In which case the year is now 2006. You no longer have any business wearing tie-dyed shirts, or listening to Buffalo Springfield 8-tracks, or sleeping in your hot-boxed VW bus. The world has moved on. Jerry Garcia is dead. So go back to bed, sniff that comforting pillow-smell-melange of forty years of weed and your own dried urine, shut your eyes, and relax into that dream starring you and naked Barbarella. It will all be over soon.