YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE SEXY?
By Uber Pig, Section Diaries
You aren't going to fit in here, Sir. Or Ma'am. You made the wrong choice. If you don't like it, that's too bad. If it makes you feel better though, send us a complaint. That would be sexy. Send it care of our recruiters. Be sure to tell us how you're not an asshole and to mention what a mentor you were to your troops and how much your platoon sergeant appreciated your fatherly guidance and how we were enlisted and so don't understand the big picture they teach you in officer school; how your officer training was as difficult and irritating as ours and how you're just like a big brother in the same military machine/family. How you learned a lot about enlisted men because you had one as your Ranger Buddy during Swamp Phase. How it's a good thing that a 22-year-old can be put in charge of a platoon because he has a degree in political science or literature or physical education. How you know how much it sucks to paint rocks and to clean toilets with toothbrushes, even though it was never your job to paint rocks and clean toilets with toothbrushes. Because we want to hear it.
Be sure to use the proper signature block: Your Bitch,
(Your Name) (Your Rank) (Your Branch) Now go away. ----------
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