The the thing to do is to employ the correct sequence of coded phrases.  Just like in a spy novel.  Memorize them.  Do not deviate from the sequence.  Here it is:

You -- "My name is Todd, and I can't stop eating cheese."

Him -- "Hello Todd. Have you admitted you are powerless to The Cheese, that your life has become unmanageable?"

You -- "Yes."

Him -- "Have you come to believe that Enlisted Swine are more powerful than you are, and can restore you to sanity?"

You -- "Yes."

Him -- "Have you made a decision to turn your will and life over to the support of Enlisted Swine, as you understand Enlisted Swine to be?"

You -- "Yes."

Him -- "Have you made a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself?"

You -- "Yes."

Him -- "Have you admitted to Enlisted Swine, to yourself, and to another human being the exact nature of your cheesedickery?"

You -- "Yes."

Him -- "Are you ready to have Enlisted Swine remove all these defects of character?"

You -- "Yes."

Him -- "Have you asked Enlisted Swine to remove your shortcomings?"

You -- "Yes."

Him -- "Have you made a list of all the enlisted men you've acted like a dildo around and become willing to make amends to them all?"

You -- "Yes."

Him -- "Have you made direct amends to enlisted men wherever possible, except when doing so would irritate them further?"

You -- "Yes."

Him -- "Have you continued to take personal inventory and when you were wrong promptly admitted it?"

You -- "Yes."

Him -- "Have you sought through prayer and meditation to improve your conscious contact with Enlisted Swine, as you understand Enlisted Swine to be, praying only for knowledge of their will for you and the power to carry that out?"

You -- "Yes."

Him -- "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, have you tried to carry this message to all your brother officers, and to practice these principles in all your affairs?"

You -- "Yes.