You got it, baby girl.

    Tell me a story.

    Ha. Do you only use sentences that are commands? That's cute. And it reminds me of a story.

    Good, daddy. Tell it to me.

    OK. Well, this is a story about The First Association. It was an association of radical American leftists, radical latino immigrants and radical muslims who joined forces to overthrow the U.S. government. Got it? Good.

    Anyhow, they planned to take out the government, terrorize the people, and divide the country into territories. You know the drill. The radical Yankees would get the east coast and inland to the Mississippi and south to New Orleans. They wanted to create a socialist state, the likes of which the world had never seen. The radical latinos would get the southwest. They'd declare it a republic at first, like the Yankees did when they took the republic of Texas by immigration and treachery and violence (so they said, the silly radicals). Now the muslims, they'd get the wide open lands of the west, with good ports in Seattle and Portland and San Francisco and Long Beach from which to export their jihad. Shia law would be enacted, and there'd be nothing but bearded dudes and burka-wearing babes on the boardwalks of Southern California.

    Would they surf?

    They might've tried surfing, but then again, they might not've. I don't know. It never came to that because The Association tried to get America's street gangs to join them, and that was a bad mistake. The Bloods and Crips knew about racism and hatred and injustice and violence, yeah, but even the most crapily educated triggerman in South Central had the brains to ask: So, if you overthrow the U.S. government, what will take its place? And the radicals told them about the fairness of socialism and a return of the Southwest to Mexico and the Western lands that would be ruled by Shia law. And the eyes of the triggerman glazed over, but the leaders of the gangs knew that the new governments were all about a new kind of juice. That's power, baby. The gang leaders could also see that the radicals were after their turf. And that sealed the deal, because gangsters are territorial entrepreneurs by nature, and they didn't want to replace an ineffective government with more effective, but more heavily authoritarian ones.

    What does `authoritarian' mean, daddy?

    It means the same thing as `anus', baby. Authoritarians are walking, talking anuses who want to boss everybody around.

    Like that lady you're always talking about, Hillary Clinton?

    Yeah. Like that, but even worse.

    Wow.

    Yeah, huh? So anyway, the gangs told The Association leaders to go make babies with themselves, and The Association leaders said Yeah, well someday soon we'll be making babies with your women, and the gang leaders said What? and The Association leaders said You heard us. And the gang leaders opened fire with their handguns, holding a gun in each hand but holding them canted sideways like in the movies. They busted a lot of caps, as they say, and the security detail of The Association tried to protect their leaders. The Association security guys were packing AK-47s but they'd had much less trigger time than the gangsters. The security men who could shoot, opened up and returned fire but their shots went wild and the gangs snuffed out The Association's bodyguards and most of The Association's leaders, and a lot of their own people too, because you can't shoot very straight when you're spraying and praying, holding a gun in each hand but holding them canted sideways like in the movies.

    And that was the end of what came to be known as The First Association. They never got a chance to blow up schools in Michigan or hijack trains to Denver or set up roadblocks in NYC. They didn't confiscate all capital and the means of production, or kick whitey out of the Southwest or turn the American left coast into a Shia theme park. We owed a debt of gratitude to our brothers and sisters of the Crips and Bloods. In their honor, the president created two national holidays, Bloods Day and Crips Day, upon which the American people celebrate their great victory over the forces of radical, if more effective, forms of government.