Tag: advice

I am a female in my 20s and will soon be marrying my boyfriend of four years. We met overseas via a personals site, and while most things are great between us, we do have one issue: group sex. He wants it, I don't.

After we met, my fiancé brought up the idea of group sex, and when I agreed (though not wholeheartedly, I agreed to see what it was like) he was very proactive about putting up a personal ad to meet other couples. We met a couple or two. While I was okay with the encounters at the time, a day or so after, I was always kind of grossed out. We have since moved back to the U.S., and his interest in group sex has not abated. I agreed to try group sex again, which we did--and again, I was fine during, but skeeved after. He knows how I feel now, but I think he keeps hoping that I'll change my mind. Likewise, I keep hoping that he'll lose interest at some point.

Part of the issue is that while he did experiment with a couple of guys and girls before we met, I was (and am) his first and only penetrative sex partner. He also spends a lot of time online, which has led him to believe that many people have group sex and that it is a relatively normal thing to do. At the time we met, I was portraying (and thinking of) myself as a wild bisexual, but have since proved myself to be anything but. I feel bad about "false advertising," but I feel that I have "grown up" and out of the need to explore my sexuality. I feel that I've found someone with whom I am completely happy and by whom I am completely sexually satisfied.

Every so often, he'll catch me at a time when I think that it won't be so bad, and I'll tell him that we can try the group-sex thing again, but after he's placed the ad and has started to get back responses, my pendulum has swung back in the opposite direction. I don't want to have sex with these people; I just want to have sex with him. At the same time, I want to want to have sex with these people. Do you think that there's any chance that it will ever happen?

-- Want To Want Group Sex